


Essence

by eerian_sadow



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Miscarriage, Moving On, Sadness, bring all your tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-07
Updated: 2010-12-07
Packaged: 2018-03-25 19:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3822631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eerian_sadow/pseuds/eerian_sadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jazz finds out a very old secret of Prowl's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Essence

**Author's Note:**

> Notes 2010: I bawled my way through this. No idea where the bunny came from, but it wouldn’t let me go until I’d written it and I can’t decide if I love it or hate it. But I cried so much that I had to stop a few times because I couldn’t see the screen.
> 
> I thought about my friend Mary and the baby she lost a little over a year ago, Lidda, a lot while working on this. Lidda was born 16 weeks premature, though initially the doctors had thought she was only 14 weeks early, and she hung on with every ounce of her being for six days before we lost her. It’s an utterly devastating loss, and I’m amazed that Mary and her husband Derrick managed to go on from day to day afterward. They’re expecting their second child now, sometime in February, and while we all still miss Lidda, the new baby will most certainly be welcomed with tears of joy and not pain. And someday, I can’t wait til he or she gets to meet the big sister.
> 
> Notes 2015: My friends Mary and Derrick are now the parents of two healthy, energetic children.

He found Prowl kneeling down in front of a small memorial plaque in an out of the way section of the Praxus memorial garden. He was surprised, honestly, that this place had remained intact after the city was razed and even more surprised that Prowl was there. Quietly, he walked forward, not wanting to disturb the other mech until Prowl was ready to leave.

“He would have received his final upgrades today,” the tactician said softly. “We would have thrown such a party.”

“Who was he?” Jazz asked, voice also soft. The words on the plaque gave no indication; the inscription simply said “sparkling” and listed a date of death.

“I wish I knew. He didn’t live long enough for me to give him his designation.”

“Oh, Prowl.” The saboteur didn’t know what else to say. “I’m sorry” wasn’t nearly enough.

“I wasn’t much older than Bluestreak when I found out I was carrying.” Blindly, Prowl reached a hand out, obviously seeking some sort of comfort. When Jazz reached out and took it, he continued. “It was a very difficult gestational cycle. I was constantly in the medical center for a number of system failures. Once our sparks even had to be shocked to keep from fading out. And then when he finally detached, he was too weak to power the frame my creator had built for him. I didn’t even have a chance to hold him before his spark went out.”

Careful not to let go of the other mech’s hand, Jazz knelt down next to the tactician and pulled him into his arms. Prowl clung to him tightly, letting out a choked sob. The saboteur hummed what he hoped was a soothing melody as he let the mech in his arms cry out his grief and loss.

“Thank you,” Prowl said, once he finally had himself back under control. “I was never allowed to truly mourn after I lost him. Everyone but my creator just expected me to keep going on as I always had, when all I wanted to do was curl up and go offline. Even back then, I had a reputation so I just… did what was expected.”

“Mechs can be pretty stupid and insensitive sometimes.” Jazz rubbed his back gently. “You shouldn’t ever have to pretend like that. Next time you need to grieve, you do it. To the Pit with anyone else. And I’ll be there to hold you if you need it.”

Prowl nodded slowly. “I wish I had had a friend that was as sensible as you back then.”

“Well, you have me now.”

“Yes. I have you now.” The tactician settled himself more comfortably in Jazz’s arms. “May i… I’d like to tell you about him.”

Despite the subject, Jazz gave him an encouraging smile. “I’d like that. I wanna hear all about your sparkling.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

When Prowl disappeared just before the _Ark_ was scheduled to depart, Optimus sent Jazz to find him. The saboteur didn’t look far; he knew where he would find the tactician.

Prowl gave him a sad smile when Jazz joined him next to his sparkling’s memorial. “I had to say goodbye.”

“I know.” Jazz extended a hand to help him up. “Optimus was just worried that you’d miss take off.”

The tactician took the offer hand and stood. “I wouldn’t have. I was on my way back momentarily. I’m glad you came, though.”

The saboteur looked down at the memorial plaque and smiled at what he saw added there. “I am too. That’s a fine name.”

“I’m glad you approve. It seemed fitting.”

“It’s perfect for him.” Jazz let go of Prowl’s hand for a moment and knelt down beside the plaque. With a smile, he ran his fingers over the glyphs the tactician had carved over the word sparkling. “I promise I’ll take good care of your carrier, Essence. I can’t wait til we get to meet you, even if I hope it ain’t too soon.”

“I said something similar,” Prowl was smiling when he stood back up. “Though my grammar was better.”

“Hey, I just talk the way my carrier taught me.”

“Yes, I know.” The tactician turned away from the memorial garden and dropped into his alternate mode. “Come on, we don’t want to make Prime late.”

“Can’t have that,” Jazz agreed, mimicking the action. “Hey, Prowl?”

“Yes, Jazz?” Prowl began leading the way back to the _Ark’s_ dock.

“Thanks. For letting me know him as much as you did. It means a lot that you’d trust me that much.”

For a long moment, Prowl was silent, and Jazz thought he might have said the wrong thing. “It means a lot to be able to trust someone that much. Thank you, for being there.”

“Anytime mech. Anytime.”


End file.
